Mother Knows Best
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how John and his roommate Julie looked at each other. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious. By the end of the evening she was convinced there was more between them than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie went to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John."
The next day, John received a response from his mother that read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle that's been in her pillow since I left. Love, Mom."
A teenager and his date were parked on a back road outside of town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads outside of town. Things were getting pretty serious when the girl stopped the boy and said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a prostitute and I charge $100 for sex."
The boy just looked at her for a few moments, but then reluctantly paid her the money and they did their thing. After getting dressed again, the boy sat quietly in the driver's seat listening to the radio and looking out of the front window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a taxi driver and the fare back to town is $125."
The First Date
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk. He asks his father for advice. The father replies, "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl, "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl, "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
The Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost.
Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."
"Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had."